I decided to write a blog about my “Pet Peeves” it’s been long and I want to set something straight. I’m going to be completely honest and blunt here so bear with me and if you find any of this offensive, then at least you know the truth.
1.) My first pet peeve is being called a “Victim”, my tragedies have been over 10 years and I’ve come a long ways in reaching my goals from where I have been, so calling me a victim only states that I’m still broken, missing and hopeless; even if that’s not what is meant to be, trust me “we” the survivors HATE it! I’m an over-comer, I’ve been through things that most can not even relate, but you know I refuse to falter in anyone’s demise and I will rise and spread my wings, calling me a victim is only going to make me thrive even stronger and you’ll lose out on survivors wanting to speak at your event.
2.) What are experts? This is one of my biggest pet peeve, I’ve asked to collaborate with certain affiliations and have been told that I’m not an expert in the trafficking arena. Are you kidding me???? People wonder why we never get anything done, we put a wall between survivors and academics, it’s time to tear that wall down and work together, haven’t you people learned what “unity” means?
3.) When church becomes a system. You take a victim who’s in need of food, shelter and clothing, you tell her that in order to receive services in your church/program she must commit to God, um . . . I don’t remember Jesus ever saying that to Mary Magdeline? He opened his heart and she loved him in return, not by obligation. I don’t believe God’s love is a bargaining chip so why are so many churches doing this? If you do, you are no worse then a trafficker/pimp. Yes, I said it! Quit concentrating on converting people and just do what God asks of us, help those in need without obliging to your agenda. God is not selfish, God is love and what I’ve learned and truly believe in my heart is that God’s love is a gift not an obligation. Also, if these women/children have never experienced anything healthy in their lives, what makes you think they know what denomination to convert to? Shouldn’t it be their choice not yours?
4.) This is particularly to journalist. I’ve met many different types of journalist and interviewees and let me tell you there are some who ask very good questions and some can even tug at the heart, but when you say something stupid like: (A) Why would you be a madame after going through what you’ve been through, how vile can you be? First of all, let me say this: Traffickers, kidnappers and pimps aren’t going to let you walk away because you FEEL like it, I have no idea where you assume that we can, because seriously I’d love to have walked away when I could. Being a madame wasn’t a choice it was survival and if you are having a hard time grasping onto that, ask a psychologist that studies trauma and Stockholm Syndrome and quit assuming I wanted to victimize other people. The other question I get is: (B) Why didn’t you run away, same concept as above, if I could I would and don’t even mistaken that I haven’t tried, we try we get beat up, but then we’re called weak because we didn’t try hard enough, I’m sorry but I’m not Jet Li and if I could kick ass, boy that would be a dream! Last question is: (C) Your trafficking experience has been less than 2 years so that’s not that long. Okay, before I go off on someone, SERIOUSLY???? I don’t care what your editing protocol is, if you’re going to be a journalist you need to re-educate your editor on how to appropriately ask sensitive questions to victims/survivors then you wonder why no one wants to speak up, because of your STUPID questions! There was a study on jail cells, especially pertaining to solitary confinement and the psychological damage it can do to an adult much less a child and a law enforcement official decided to try this for only 2 days, the end result was the officer that volunteered to be in confinement became angry, agitated and suffering from PTSD even just two days. No window, no light, no clock to tell time just a four cylinder wall to stare all for 24 hours a day, you tell me if that wasn’t so bad.
By all means, I am not trying to bash anyone, but please understand my frustration. I have tolerance for certain things, but for stupidity and ignorance I have no tolerance for. Instead of being offended of my feedback, take this as a guide, because trust me I have a lot of survivor friends we discuss what we don’t like to be asked, otherwise you’ll find yourself empty handed when rescuing others. Oh btw, don’t look for new victims you sound like a trafficker when you say that, they need to heal and you need to back off. This is all I have to say. Thank you for reading.